Cooking Bisque: Sharing Lobster Secrets/Transcript
James: Hey, guys. Hi. Welcome back to my cooking show. As many of you know, I am the proud father of a world-famous lobster bisque. And if you've ever wanted to know my secret, I am so excited to announce that today we're pulling out the big guns. James: Wow. Also, I'm going to share my secrets with you. Lobster bisque, lobster bisque Lobster bisque, lobster bisque Lobster bisque is cooking bisque and stuff It's food! James: The first thing you need to do is prepare mentally. This isn't like making a soufflé or sending a rocket to the moon. It's complicated. And it's a spiritual journey. It all starts with 27 minutes of meditation. Jeremy: We don't have the time. James: Time is all we have, Jeremy. Time is a wheel... of parmesan. Jeremy: We'll just edit this out in post. Make a note of that, please. James: Yum. I'm sinking into the a-bisque. James: The selection of your lobster is absolutely essential. You think the 2016 election was divisive? You should see the lobster tank. After some initial vetting, I do a one-on-one interview with the lobster, to make sure he or she is worthy. James: Now, how do you remain calm when you're in a pinch? Do you find it offensive when someone calls you a shrimp? Of all your friends, who would you say has a butter face? Would you consider yourself charitable or shellfish? Would you say that you were claw-strophobic? James: An amateur might think that a very sharp knife is more dangerous. Not true! A dull knife is actually more dangerous because you'll probably get so frustrated, you'll stab someone. Jeremy: Cut! James: Next step, determine exactly how hungry you are. Are you a hungry, hungry hippo? Are you hungry like the wolf? Now take that number and multiply it by ounces. Jeremy: None of those things are numbers. James: I'll give you a number! I could do with about 10 ounces less of your bad attitude. Jeremy: Uh, could we pan to the left a little? James: To the left? Then the pan wouldn't be on the stove anymore! Could you quit it with the terrible ideas? James: The most important tool of your lobster bisque is your whisk. Whisk it like it's hot. Whisk it like it's hot. It's all in the wrist. Jeremy: You need to tell them what ingredients you put in there. James: I don't know what I put in there. Jeremy: What do you mean? James: Ignorance is bisque. Jeremy: Are you serious right now? James: Look at my face, Jeremy. Is this my serious face? Jeremy: We need a recipe, it's the only reason we got funding. James: Oh, okay, I see. For the recipe... Jeremy: Thank you. James: Go to the store, in the soup aisle, pick any lobster bisque, and mix it in a pan. Voilà. Jeremy: Come on! James: Happy Bisque-ing! James: No lobsters were harmed until after the filming of this show. Category:Season 8